HOW I LEARNED TO SHUT UP AND LET LOVE SPEAK.
I considered myself ‘good at communicating’. I do feel that I have a handle on logic, that I know what makes sense. I prize my intelligence as a key characteristic of my identity.
…SO HOW CAN I TRUST FEELING OVER THINKING!?!
This is something that Naela Rose has brought to me… not just to trust her feeling over my thinking, but in fact to ask what I am feeling.
And when I really listened, one of my brains, (whether head, heart or gut?), told me to SHUT UP!
A really clear moment was when Naela and I were sitting on the bed, sharing our intentions for a love ceremony that we had planned. She was reading from her list and she only spoke THE VERY FIRST POINT and I already decided to suggest an edit. 🤦♂️
The exchange that followed felt familiar, I could sense the fire pressure building up in us both. That brain swelling, blood boiling, muscle tensing sensation that tells you, “We’re going over the waterfall again!” …And that was when I stopped paddling.
Despite all the good reasons I had for saying what I said. Despite how clear it was to me that my point was logical. I just decided right there and then to NOT TRUST MY MIND. I chose to trust the mind and heart of my partner. I decided to silence my personal reference points and just listen to what she had to say, to leave the paddle inert in the water – EVEN THOUGH MY SURVIVAL INSTINCTS ARE TELLING ME TO FRANTICALLY PADDLE, ELSE WE’LL CAPSIZE!
Just die to it, give your life to this love. There is a reason that Naela has set this intention, written these words, planned these moves and I have learned how exquisite her dance is when I don’t try to interfere, but instead bolster my outer frame and empty my innards. To dedicate my energy, on the outside to being present, non-defensive, yet forward, open and welcoming, while letting go of my inner constitution. To become a soup, susceptible to any shape and form that her spoon may stir in me.
AND THEN LOVE SHOWED UP!
Naela proceeded to read her list and I received some of the most vivid and poetic declarations of our Love that I’d ever heard.
Point #2 was beautiful, point #3 spot on… but by about #5 or #8 SHE WAS SPEAKING FOR ME TOO!
Have you ever wondered if your partner is experiencing the same relationship as you are? If they hold love in the same way, if you mean to them what you hope you do? If you can actually receive this thing you are both apparently co-creating and let it land in that sacred shape in your chest? That singular puzzle piece that is cut exactly to the contours of your dream hole?
I’m not talking about codependence, I’m talking about REALITIES MATCHING.
It’s the remedy to the clash of conflict which seems to overturn all sense and reason and makes you feel sick, dizzy and disoriented. You know when you ask yourself “WHO EVEN ARE YOU!!??!!” as you look at this stranger who used to be your most loved and trusted. This enemy in the skin of your lover… As realities align again, that sheet of armour dissipates, and I can see her again. I feel her again. I GET TO HAVE LOVE AGAIN… but not just an echo of my projection bouncing back off her, to swallow my own regurgitation.
This was so much better: THIS WAS MY PARTNER’S UNADULTERATED TRUTH which I was no longer trying to control, edit or ‘help’ shape to better fit the hole I wanted it to fit. This was HER dance, introducing LOVE to me in a way that felt more ME than I had ever expected to feel.
Yes I cried. I cried in relief but I also cried at all the love I had denied myself in trying to tell her how to love me. All of the lists that I had never let be read out past point #1! How many other beautiful expressions had I never known, because I thought I already knew?
So this is my lesson and I share it publicly in the hope that others get to hear the rest of the list too: IF YOU HAVE FOUND SOMEONE AND YOU KNOW IN YOUR CORE THAT YOU LOVE THEM – THIS IS THE SAME DECISION AS TRUSTING THEM.
I am choosing to still my mind, to kill the ‘Man’ who points his finger at the Woman like she’s crazy, like this babble doesn’t make sense, and especially the FALSE OPENNESS that’s thinking “I’ll let you speak, but just so you can vent and release this insanity, then I’ll re-engage”. NO – TRUST this human just as much as you LOVE them!
I felt instantly how my shield invoked the raising of her shield and they were completely messing with the resonance of what we were both saying. Like two little kids shouting at each other around the walls of our cardboard forts.
As soon as I stopped trying to ‘illuminate her into my clarity and rightness’ – as soon as I distrusted all the hurt which was trying to separate us, (which is especially insidious and convincing as it seems to speak from that place inside me that I thought was me)…that was when my heart found its way back to my centre.
She was holding it in her own heart and I couldn’t receive it until I trusted completely that her love was just as sacred as mine.
That I didn’t need to grow it to meet a preconceived standard or prune it to match specifications. Unguarded love makes shapes in the open air that take your breath away. The moves feel natural, the joints are unlocked, the swoops and swooshes defy gravity as they’re not trying to avoid falling to the floor. They arc with a surrendered grace, knowing they will be caught, because what else would Life do?
Naela I love You and You disarm me in a way that allows me to actually feel AND KNOW that I am loved by You.
Please please please beautiful lovers of the world – TRUST YOUR LOVERS! Hold space for them to do their dance, avidly witness them as they express how it feels in their heart, soften all mind that might try to surgically ‘improve’ their version of reality and suddenly you find yourself at the SWEETEST POINT: that outlook where you might actually be seeing them for the first time.
THIS IS WHO YOU LOVE! There they are, unguarded, free and you get to receive it ALL, just like you dreamed, (only this time – IT’S REAL!).